For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse. Romans 1:20
As a coach, you are in a unique position to spend your days with many of the best young people in the world. I get to be around them when they are still young enough to have the innocence of youth but are mature enough to have many great plans for their futures and unique views of the world in which they live. I am able to form a bond of trust that does not exist outside of the relationship between a coach and a player. But, there is always a young man on every team who does not respond to any of the coaches and continues to make bad decisions. Every coach can probably immediately think of the young person who they feel like they failed to connect with and worry about this young person’s future. I know there are a few in my twenty-six years of coaching.
Throughout this past season there was one particular young man who never seemed to respond to any of our coaches. It was a daily struggle to have him act appropriately, behave in class, and follow instructions. I felt like I would wake up each day and wait on the next bad report from another coach, administrator, or teacher. This particular young man has had several unfortunate and sad situations occur throughout his life. When I first heard this young man’s name, I continued to hear the same story of his childhood from former teachers and coaches. As a very small child he had witnessed the death of his mother but fortunately was too young to remember the details. From everything else I could learn about this young man, he lived with relatives who cared for him and wanted the best for him. I am sure he had many difficulties in his life but had also been given a chance for success if he will just take advantage of the blessings and learn from the negative. What stood out to me was the way many adults excused away each moment of bad behavior because of an event that occurred when this young man was very young. Each time his name would be mentioned in a conversation someone would remind me of this story. I am blessed to not only have the world’s best mother but I have spent my life with people who want the best for me and expect the best from me. One of my many prayers as a coach is to ask God to give me some insight into how to treat and respond to a young person who has had a much different life than me. It has bothered me that so many people allow a terrible event that happened many years ago to be his excuse.
The young man I am writing about has recently left the school where I work and moved to another school. I worry that the story will be told over and over again and his behavior will be excused away, over and over again. I hate for anyone, especially a young person to have so many challenges in his or her life. We all have challenges and many of us have challenges that we must deal with on a daily basis. How we allow those challenges to shape our lives makes all the difference.
For the past few weeks the eighth grade football players have been coming to the high school in the afternoon to lift weights with the varsity coaches. As they were leaving a few days ago one of these boys asked me if I knew the young man I have written about. I told him I did know him and hated that he was leaving our school. What he said to me next was interesting and something I have thought about since our conversation. He said, “Coach, he is my cousin and I hope he does not get into trouble at his new school. I am so tired of people using what happened to him as an excuse”. I was already thinking what a mature young man this thirteen year old must be and then he said, “My mother left me at the hospital the day after I was born and I have not seen her since but that is not going to change my life. I know one day when I have made it in life, she will show back up but it will be too late then”.
After he left for the day I began thinking about what he had told me and his reaction to his life’s challenge. Both boys have been greatly disappointed but the way they allow this challenge to shape their lives is drastically different. Both have missed out on a relationship with a loving mother who they know they can depend upon. Both have days when they wonder why the person who gave birth to them is no longer in their life. But one allows the challenge to be an excuse that so many accept as a good reason for poor behavior and bad choices. The other uses the challenge as a driving force to succeed in life, in his future career, and the way he treats others in his life. I have no doubt that this young man will be a success in his life regardless of the size of his bank account. He will one day have his own children who he will raise in a loving home. His mother may show up again one day and she will be the one who has missed out on spending her life with a young man of character in spite of the challenge she created for him many years earlier. I hope they are able to form a relationship but it will never be what it could and should have been.
It seems as though we live in a world of excuses. We could all blame bad parents, lack of money, or bad teachers for our lack of success in life. In recent years we have even heard the excuse of affluence. Someone actually had so much good in their life that they did not know the difference in right and wrong. I believe God places these challenges before us and expects us to use these obstacles to learn more about His love for us and to show others how we trust in Him through these challenges. These challenges can be our excuse for poor behavior or bad decisions or they can also be our excuse for succeeding in life and demonstrating God’s love for us even while facing our challenges each day. So far, one of the young men uses his challenge as an excuse for failure but the other sees his challenge as his excuse for success. So, what’s your excuse?
Chad
